The need for pampering (a wish)

Every girl has a moment in time when she needs pampering and to be taken care of in every aspect of her life, and I mean every aspect.
This is my moment.
Either I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, or I'm just so exhausted that I felt the intense need for someone strong and capable to lean on.
I need someone to volunteer to take total care of my well being.
I need someone to say
"Come dear, take a break and let me handle this."
Even when I refuse, owing to my pride and inherited stubborn streak, or maybe just a habit of saying no, I wish for someone to be more stubborn than me and more insistent to come along make me do whatever’s best for me and never give in even when I put up a good fight.
And because I’ll be feeling too guilty take that break alone, I wish for that someone who is responsible for my guilty trip to keep me company and keep my mind off work.

Sigh. That basically sums up what I felt the moment I opened my eyes this morning. Sometimes, having sufficient sleep during a rough time is not good. The freshly rested brain will only alert me to the emotions and needs that I’ve neglected over the busy days. The ones that are usually swimming in my subconscious as more important issues jam up my limited neuron pathways.

Living away from home for so many years, the status quo of independence that I once enjoyed has become a rather tiring situation. The downside of being a grown up is that we can't run home to daddy or mummy to ask for help in something trivial. We can't撒娇 to just anybody or anytime we like, and expect to be taken care of without question. And our parents no longer preach the ‘absolute family laws’ which we have to obey or be punished, but laws that were made to ensure that we grow up to be good, healthy, all-rounded individuals. I guess here is when people start looking for partners, somebody who can fill the role as a friend/ lover/ companion/ parent/ child, all at once and vice versa.

The harsh reality of a LDR is that there is nobody there even when you need a shoulder to lean on, no one to give you a comfort hug or to do a special ‘dinner delivery’. No one to detect what you need by just taking one look at you, who can easily do something, just for you, because I care, because you deserve it, and you don’t even have to ask for it. After spending 12 hours at work with people that gets of your nerve, there is no one at the end of the day whom you can spend time with that you don’t have to pretend to be nice to, that will let you rant or sulk at all you want, then forgive you and still make the effort to lift your sprits. Someone who’ll make you smile and make everything worthwhile. The worst reality of LDR is that when you are busy, the appropriate timing for you to receive some of these special care will always inappropriate at the other end of the globe. The person who will make a difference either cannot reach you or cannot be reached and both suffers neglect.

Well, there are always weekends where calls can be made at comfortable timings for both but as luck would have it, I was swindled by the phonecard shop which I have been most loyal to for the past millennium. The two £20 phonecards that I diligently stocked up before my busy test period had actually expired and cannot be used. Bloody hell. I’m stuck in college between 8.30am-11pm everyday and I don’t even have the time to run out at the appropriate time to get that some of those bloody adhesive labels for my test specimens. How to get phonecard?!? Why is it so inconvenient to hear someone's comforting voice, even for a few minutes? If I’m too busy to make calls, why can’t they call me? And there are other matters of course but the most dispiriting thing that happened to me today is I can’t reach the persons I needed to seek comfort from.