I'm sure you have heard this before:
When one's lovelife is good, his career sucks
When one's carrer is good, his lovelife sucks
Well apparently the saying is applicable to all sorts of situations
I suppose even if one has everything going well and is ethereally blissful,
he can't help avoid invoking jealousy from miserable souls.
I was this close to becoming a grumpy senile when I sprained my ankle
Well, what worse can happen now?
Indeed, my luck changed.
Homebound for 4 days, I had a breakthrough on my work.
A silly but devastating mistake made months before had made my life so much more complicated than neccessary.
Being a stubborn pig in my line of work is sometimes unhealthy
cos instead of stopping and rechecking my work when things get too tough
I press on for weeks and week,
bashing through by shear undying brute force.
Nothing is 'too tough to handle' in my vocabulary
it's either solvable in minutes, or solvable in months.
Not a bright child, I must thank my mom for passing on this wisdom:
She once told me that nothing is too difficult for me to pick up
and I should never use my (lack of) intelligence as an excuse
If my classmates can learn their sums in 1 hour,
I can do it 2 hours and it'll still be done.
It's a matter of perserverance and not letting yourself off too easily.
So, matters of determination aside, I found out that
When one's ankle is good, one's work sucks
When one's work is good, one's ankle sucks
Now that the swelling has subsided,
I hope that the windfall at work can sustain just a little longer.
:)
Monday, January 31, 2005
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Old injuries
There are different kinds of old injuries, I just got reacqainted with 2 of mine today.
Heartaches can heal with time, or can it not?
when you bump into an ex on the street one day would you walk up and say hi or turn and run away?
I would walk up and say hi to my 1st, probably invite him to join me for coffee and catch up.
I would turn and run if I meet my 2nd, if my legs can still move from the unwelcoming shock.
I would greet my one sided loves but will not linger to chat.
As for my current bf, I don't know yet, I hope he will never become an ex.
I guess our reactions depends on the person we're referring to, the amount of time that has passed since the breakup and the residual feelings in our sub-conscience breaking out when such a 'fancy bumping into you' moment occurs.
I dreamt of meeting my ex last night. I won't say which. But I'll be prepared when I meet him again.
I was musing about these reactions on route to college when another old injury caught my attention.
Out of the blue came the loudest 'piak' from my ankle and the next thing I knew I was kneeling on the pavement.
An old injury from I-can't-remember-when.
The first 1-2 times must be during those ballet lessons in the studio.
When I had a 2-year fling with martial arts, it gave way more easily and frequently.
I've stopped martials 7 years now, but it'll come back to haunt me now and then,
like a lonely soul nudging for some TLC when you least expected it.
And this time, it hurts, it hurts more than previous times.
Well, wounds, old and new, need occasional cleaning and dressing.
If they are neglected, they'll catch you unaware and you may need to spend more time and efforts rehealing it.
Since they keep popping back into our lifes uninvited, perhaps we can give up about forgetting them.
Instead, if we constantly remind ourselves to check on our old wounds, then probably the chances of them catching us unaware will be less, and we'll be better prepared to deal with them.
downside: that'll be constantly depressing.
well, maybe just once in a while......
Heartaches can heal with time, or can it not?
when you bump into an ex on the street one day would you walk up and say hi or turn and run away?
I would walk up and say hi to my 1st, probably invite him to join me for coffee and catch up.
I would turn and run if I meet my 2nd, if my legs can still move from the unwelcoming shock.
I would greet my one sided loves but will not linger to chat.
As for my current bf, I don't know yet, I hope he will never become an ex.
I guess our reactions depends on the person we're referring to, the amount of time that has passed since the breakup and the residual feelings in our sub-conscience breaking out when such a 'fancy bumping into you' moment occurs.
I dreamt of meeting my ex last night. I won't say which. But I'll be prepared when I meet him again.
I was musing about these reactions on route to college when another old injury caught my attention.
Out of the blue came the loudest 'piak' from my ankle and the next thing I knew I was kneeling on the pavement.
An old injury from I-can't-remember-when.
The first 1-2 times must be during those ballet lessons in the studio.
When I had a 2-year fling with martial arts, it gave way more easily and frequently.
I've stopped martials 7 years now, but it'll come back to haunt me now and then,
like a lonely soul nudging for some TLC when you least expected it.
And this time, it hurts, it hurts more than previous times.
Well, wounds, old and new, need occasional cleaning and dressing.
If they are neglected, they'll catch you unaware and you may need to spend more time and efforts rehealing it.
Since they keep popping back into our lifes uninvited, perhaps we can give up about forgetting them.
Instead, if we constantly remind ourselves to check on our old wounds, then probably the chances of them catching us unaware will be less, and we'll be better prepared to deal with them.
downside: that'll be constantly depressing.
well, maybe just once in a while......
Monday, January 24, 2005
Karma
I read about the Jap royal family's heir woes today
and started thinking about karma, especially war related ones.
I can't help but wonder if their situation today is no fault of thier own
but the accumulation of bad deeds from generations before
And I guess no deed can be more damaging to a family's karma than the taking of lives.
If the story that my father once told me is true,
then long ago one of my forefathers was a powerful war general in China.
The general had 2 sons, but no male heir for generations thereafter. (sounds familiar?)
To perpetuate the family line, they got willing chaps to marry into the family,
So that their blood can be passed through their daughters into their future generations that carry the family name.
I have no idea for how many generations this son-drought continued,
but i know it was still the case in my grandmother's time.
My grandma had 2 sisters and yes my grandfather married into the family.
To accumulate good karma, she was a strict vegetarian for 60 or more years of her life.
She did not eat eggs and dairy products.
I remember fondly how she insisted on drinking milo only and not overtine because overtine contained egg extracts.
She took no lives, not even ants or flies.
Because of her dedication, I guess the gods relented and she bore 3 sons.
And her sons bore more sons so it seems like our family's karma came out of the red.
Can karma ever be reversed if we practice respect for all lifeforms?
I wonder how many ants I've squashed out of irritation, out of convenience so far
And I have no idea how many lives I've consumed in my lifetime
Will my eating habits and thoughtless killings of pests destroy the good karma that my grandmother had accumulated for us?
Some people believe that it is okay to kill animals in moderation for sustenance,
Many don't believe in moderation.
Is turning our omnivorous homo sapien bodies into herbivorous ones defying nature? Is it modern-age ideological rubbish?
The fruitarian in Notting Hill believes that cooking vegetables is murder.
I don't know what to think of that but I thought it was pretty funny.
Food preferences aside,
I firmly believe that if I don't bring harm to others,
I'll be fine.
<<<>>>
Well if any friends out there do believe in karma,
I guess not all hope is lost yet for the royal family.
There is no need for the entire country to turn vegetarian,
though that might be good news for the underwater lifeforms.
If karma is the cause, then maybe if the entire nation tries to accumulate good karma for them,
the unfortune can be lifted.
The japs have rendered aid unobstrusively, humbly, sincerely and generously to the tsunamis hit countries.
They don't splash their good deeds all over the papers like some countries do.
I like their humility and the zen like quality many exudes
I also love stories of royal families, of kings, queens, princes and princesses,
And the wonderful feeling of goodness, of hope, these associations brings
I might have an overdose of fairytales while I was young
but who cares?
I refuse to give up hope and
I wish alongside her people to hear the princely platter of little feet soon.
and started thinking about karma, especially war related ones.
I can't help but wonder if their situation today is no fault of thier own
but the accumulation of bad deeds from generations before
And I guess no deed can be more damaging to a family's karma than the taking of lives.
If the story that my father once told me is true,
then long ago one of my forefathers was a powerful war general in China.
The general had 2 sons, but no male heir for generations thereafter. (sounds familiar?)
To perpetuate the family line, they got willing chaps to marry into the family,
So that their blood can be passed through their daughters into their future generations that carry the family name.
I have no idea for how many generations this son-drought continued,
but i know it was still the case in my grandmother's time.
My grandma had 2 sisters and yes my grandfather married into the family.
To accumulate good karma, she was a strict vegetarian for 60 or more years of her life.
She did not eat eggs and dairy products.
I remember fondly how she insisted on drinking milo only and not overtine because overtine contained egg extracts.
She took no lives, not even ants or flies.
Because of her dedication, I guess the gods relented and she bore 3 sons.
And her sons bore more sons so it seems like our family's karma came out of the red.
Can karma ever be reversed if we practice respect for all lifeforms?
I wonder how many ants I've squashed out of irritation, out of convenience so far
And I have no idea how many lives I've consumed in my lifetime
Will my eating habits and thoughtless killings of pests destroy the good karma that my grandmother had accumulated for us?
Some people believe that it is okay to kill animals in moderation for sustenance,
Many don't believe in moderation.
Is turning our omnivorous homo sapien bodies into herbivorous ones defying nature? Is it modern-age ideological rubbish?
The fruitarian in Notting Hill believes that cooking vegetables is murder.
I don't know what to think of that but I thought it was pretty funny.
Food preferences aside,
I firmly believe that if I don't bring harm to others,
I'll be fine.
<<<>>>
Well if any friends out there do believe in karma,
I guess not all hope is lost yet for the royal family.
There is no need for the entire country to turn vegetarian,
though that might be good news for the underwater lifeforms.
If karma is the cause, then maybe if the entire nation tries to accumulate good karma for them,
the unfortune can be lifted.
The japs have rendered aid unobstrusively, humbly, sincerely and generously to the tsunamis hit countries.
They don't splash their good deeds all over the papers like some countries do.
I like their humility and the zen like quality many exudes
I also love stories of royal families, of kings, queens, princes and princesses,
And the wonderful feeling of goodness, of hope, these associations brings
I might have an overdose of fairytales while I was young
but who cares?
I refuse to give up hope and
I wish alongside her people to hear the princely platter of little feet soon.
Sunday, January 23, 2005
Need an outlet
Life is tough.
In the physical world as well as in our mental ones
Even if yours isn't, someone you know is,
And they make contact.
Some seek a logical mind with huge memory and ram to process 101 reasons,
Some call at wee hours for an ego boost,
Some just need you to be mentally and emotionally there for them
_forever and ever_
until their problems are solved, and their depression is lifted.
This week is mad.
More friends than usual have made contact for emotional cleansing
and many small nitty gritty things in my life are going wrong
so I'm near bursting from collected frustration.
To the point where just waking up and not seeing the sun today
actually dampened my entire day.
But when friends and family call
I can't deny them of the support they seek
And I can't speak of their problems
so if could write them down as processed thoughts
I too can have an outlet to keep myself sane.
Never mind the incoherence
Never mind the readers
I just need a place to log my thoughts
and have unknown company in my quiet moments
I finished a cup of coffee sitting on a flight of stairs this afternoon
where i know there will be minimum human traffic.
When peace and quiet is desired,
seclusion is such a bliss.
this blog is dedicated to the moments in my life,
when i need to ramble to nobody.
I want a place to speak my true thoughts
without hurting anyone, pleasing anyone, affecting anyone
and definitely without reserve
yes, this is a clinic for my mental health
and a page to capture those fleeting perspectives of life
In the physical world as well as in our mental ones
Even if yours isn't, someone you know is,
And they make contact.
Some seek a logical mind with huge memory and ram to process 101 reasons,
Some call at wee hours for an ego boost,
Some just need you to be mentally and emotionally there for them
_forever and ever_
until their problems are solved, and their depression is lifted.
This week is mad.
More friends than usual have made contact for emotional cleansing
and many small nitty gritty things in my life are going wrong
so I'm near bursting from collected frustration.
To the point where just waking up and not seeing the sun today
actually dampened my entire day.
But when friends and family call
I can't deny them of the support they seek
And I can't speak of their problems
so if could write them down as processed thoughts
I too can have an outlet to keep myself sane.
Never mind the incoherence
Never mind the readers
I just need a place to log my thoughts
and have unknown company in my quiet moments
I finished a cup of coffee sitting on a flight of stairs this afternoon
where i know there will be minimum human traffic.
When peace and quiet is desired,
seclusion is such a bliss.
this blog is dedicated to the moments in my life,
when i need to ramble to nobody.
I want a place to speak my true thoughts
without hurting anyone, pleasing anyone, affecting anyone
and definitely without reserve
yes, this is a clinic for my mental health
and a page to capture those fleeting perspectives of life
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